Morphing Stories

Slept at 5 this morning.

Had 5 hours for thesis meeting with supervisor.

Had only one meal for the day.

Rushed for bible study at night.

Conclusion: Dead tired.

Current thoughts: Just don’t think I’m good enough.

Solution: Work harder. Of all, a total surrender to God.

[11:40 pm]

I had a great day myself. Its been really long since I went out with myself. Haha funny statement, right? *smiles* I actually enjoy spending time alone, at times regardless I’m happy or sad. It’s like after quite a while, I need to just go out and enjoy a day myself. Of course, there are days I like and wanna hang out with one/two friends or a gang of friends.

I went to watch a movie, Dark Knight and had lunch at Teppanyaki before that.

The movie ticket pass – Dark Knight

Salmon Teppanyaki – RM 15.50

Balle Bali showcase – which I saw when walking

around the mall

Here are some pictures of what I’ve bought for the day.

A pair of Vincci shoes – RM31.90

Cabbage & carrots for Allie (my bunny)

Some girls’ stuff

A shirt from Seed – RM 29.50

The bills for today

Of all, I enjoyed the day. *smiles* Oppss…I spent about RM110++…I thought it was below RM 100.. hehe… It’s ok to spend once a while but not every month because it’s really “unhealthy“.

Today, I just wanna give thanks to these few people on the list.

1. GOD – for being the true friend and listener in times that I need one.
2. Weiqi, Riana & Kia Leng – for being such wonderful thesis mates together. If without the support and backups you guys gave in into this team, I won’t know how it will turn out to be.
3. Yen Chin – for being such a nice friend to accompany me to eat at times and sometimes, a listener too. Thanks for supporting the assignment group together with me.
4. Chin Choon – for being an assistant (secretary/treasurer) in household wise.

Wondering where would my family be, right? I guess they have enough worries to be worried on than adding on mine to them, so usually I will tell them I’m ok :) It should be my turn to support them.

[06:30 pm]

Went for fieldwork in Monash University today but too bad…got nothing.

Ok, maybe not for thesis/research purpose, however for self, I think it is a great day though it’s tiring. Hmm..maybe I haven’t got out from Sg Long for almost weeks. The furthest I go will be also to church in Kajang (seee…how sad). Anyway, so I think it is good that I take in some new air some other place today. LOL…Anyway, Monash Uni is like superb cool. So much (veeerrryy) better than UTAR campus here, as in the design, the library etc. Ah well, guess what their cafeteria…they have San Francisco coffee and 1901. Cool eh? Well, maybe for a jargon like me (I mean being in public uni) is like a ‘wow’ thing to me for the first time.

Oh ya, on our way there today, I totally think God leads the way. I’m too tired to elaborate further. Gotta get my hair dry and sleep. Plus, the connection is super uber bad. Will tell more probably when I’m free to write more. :) :) All I can say is that for today, I was like letting some burden thoughts away (not sure if it is for a while). Nitezz….

[08:27 pm]

You Are Fairly Abnormal in Love

When it comes to love, you definitely have your own take on things.You love and hurt like everyone else, but your expectations and rules are different.It may make it hard for you to feel understood. People don’t really get where you’re coming from.Why You Are Normal in LoveYou are normal because you haven’t been in love with two people at once. You are normal because you think it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved. Why You Aren’t Normal in Love You are abnormal because you believe people only have one soulmate. You are abnormal because you had your first boyfriend or girlfriend after you were 14.

Haha…this is funny…I’m fairly abnormal in love. Hmm…I thought we are supposed to have only soulmate? How many times do we want to get marry to then? Or maybe I don’t get the question asked.. Lastly, I’m abnormal because I had my first boyfriend after 14?!

Just trying to cheer myself with stupid quizzes here.

Your Heart is Feeling Shy

Your heart certainly has some strong feelings, you’re just not sure if you’re ready to let them show.You could be someone’s secret admirer, or maybe you just haven’t truly expressed how deep your feelings run. Maybe you’re still a little unsure about how you feel… or your unsure about what reaction you’ll get.Deep down, your heart is susceptible to: Clamming up and running away from love Your current outlook on love: Introspective and a bit detached Your love life will improve if you: Put yourself out there a little more. If you don’t try, you’ll never know. Watch out for: Having a one sided romance – you need to be sure you’re feelings are reciprocated

Hmm…fairly speaks what I’m feeling actually.

Ok, enough for the time being. Need to finish preparing my tutorials and questions for tomorrow’s fieldwork in Monash.

[11:25 pm]

Hope things could be simpler. Or is it the more simple we hope for, the complicated it will get?

Why is it that I hear it now?

Perhaps it is not the way I thought.

[11:14 pm]

Perhaps Love / Sarangingayo lyrics
Singer: J & Howl / Romanization by Kreah

On-je-yot-don-gon-ji / gi-yong na jin ah-na
ja-ku nae mo-ri-ga / no-ro u-ji-rop-don shi-jak
han-du bon-shik / doh-oh-ryu-dun seng-gak
ja-ku nul-o-ga-so / jo-gum dang-hwang-su-ru-un i ma-umpyol-il-I ah-nil su it-da-go / sa-so-han ma-umi-ra-go
ni-ga ne-ge ja-ku (ne ge ja ku)
ma-rul ha-nun / geh o-saeng-han-gol

Chorus:

sa-rang-in-ga-yo / ku-de nah-wa gat-da-myon shi-jahk-in-ga-yo
ma-mi jah ku gu dael / sa-rang-han-dae-yo
on se-sang-i dud-du-rok / so-ri-chi-ne-yo
wae i-je-ya dul-li-jyoh oooohh…
so-rol man-na-gi we-hyae / i-je-ya sa-rang cha-jat-da-go

ji-gum nae ma-umul / sol-myong-ha-ryoh hae-do
ne-ga nae-ga dwe-o mamul nu kki nun bang bop ppun in de

i-mi nan ni / a-ne / it-nun-gol
ni a-ne / ni-ga it-du shi
u-rin so-ro-we-ge (so ro we ge)
i-mi gil-dul-yo / jin-ji mo-la

Repeat Chorus:

Seng-gak-hae-bo-myon (saeng gahk hae boh myuhn)
Manh-un sun-gan-so-ke (so ke)
Ol-ma-na manhun (yeah) sol-le-im it-ot-nun-ji
jo-gum nujun gu man-kum nan do jal-hyae jul-kke-yo

ham-ke hal-ke-yo / chu-wok-i dwel giokman sol-mul-hal-ke-yo
da-shin nae gyote-so / ddo-na-ji ma-yo
jjal-bun sun-gan-jo-cha-do bul-an-han gol-yo
nae-ge mo-mul-lo-jwoyo oooohh…
Gu-dael i-roh-ke ma-nhi (gu to rok ma-nhi)
Sarang-ha-go wi-so-yo (gu dae yo ya mahn) i mi

Also credit: http://kreah-craze.com/list-of-korean-romanized-lyrics/

_________________

English Translation

Perhaps Love (Sarang Een Gah Yo/사랑인가요)
Singer: Howl & J (from Goong/궁 OST)
Translation by: Mrs Jung Ji Hoon

I don’t know when it all started
When my head became dizzy with thoughts of you

These thoughts would often pop up in my mind
I feel anxious as my heart expands towards you

It’s nothing.. it’s just a little thing
Your words are awkward to me

Is it love? If you feel the same way, is it a beginning?
My heart keeps saying it loves you
It screams out for the whole world to hear
Why has it taken so long for me to hear it~?
We’ve finally met.. finally found love

If I wanted to show you how I feel
The only way would be for you to become me

I’m already inside of you
Just like you’re inside of me

To each other [to each other]
We may already be too accustomed

Is it love? If you feel the same way, is it a beginning?
My heart keeps saying it loves you
It screams out for the whole world to hear
Why has it taken so long for me to hear it~?
We’ve finally met.. finally found love

When I think about it [when I think about it]
I realize how many moments there were when my heart trembled
I’ll try as harder as I was late in realizing my feelings

I’ll be with you, I’ll only give you fond memories
Please don’t ever leave me again
Even the shortest moments without you make me uneasy
Please stay by me~

I already love you so much (you’re the only one)

~Princess Hours OST~

This is a very nice song. The show too. I cried. Crazy I know :) It is just sweet yet sad, almost the entire show.

~by Jonas Brothers~

I had another haircut today. Guess what…I don’t really like it. It’s pretty short. Shorter than I thought. *sobs* I want it to grow longer now… *sobs sobs*

[06:20 pm]

I think I really couldn’t stop thinking. I wonder whether my brain would burst one day, out of..er…tiredness? I hope it won’t because I still seriously need it for the rest of my life.

Anyway, much thinking lately from the emo weeks bout CF stuff till now, I’ve really realised a lot of stuff. Seen a clearer direction I’m going through. I’m happy with the decision I made, though I know some might not. Just that I don’t und, why some people seems like needing you but on the other side, they’ll just kick you out of the picture in front of other people.

There was a time I packed my dreams away.
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.

There was a time when I was so afraid.
I thought I’d reached the end,
But baby that was then
I am made of more than my yesterdays.

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.

I have to decide,
Was I gonna to play it safe.
Or look somewhere deep in side,
Try to turn the tide,
And find the strength to take that step of faith.

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.

And I have the courage like never before, yeah.
I’ve settled for less now I’m ready for more,
Ready for more.

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.

I’m living in the moment
I look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.
This is my now.

~by Jordin Sparks~

Yes, this is my now. I’ve decided, I’ve moved on, and surpringly, things are really going accordingly. Though I thought I really gonna messed up last week with someone, by telling out my deepest fears between us. Well, days after, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Woon Hui came by the weekend, and surpringly she somewhat supported me some too. Since people I cared most is at my back, I don’t or have to care about what others think. They are not in my shoes, they will never understand. I guess this is the time I need to learn not to care about what others think of me (at least for the time being). I’ve always wanted to please everyone, but I guess sometimes it is hard to do so. I’ve tried to be an ironlady, to do every single thing to please everyone from A to Z, but found out that doesn’t work. All I can say is if you are not in my shoes, please don’t tell me you understand. You won’t until you are in my shoes.

The most unhappy part was when I heard something back from someone when she was asked whether she’s joining any cell and whose one. Sigh. If I were to be that irresponsible, I might as well just go disappear from appearing in CG, even I really have things on. Maybe being there for a while doesn’t help, nor people appreciate it. Too bad, well, Woon Hui says I should speak up for myself. What for? God knows, that’s the most important thing. Just hope it won’t be too obvious till I really go disappear, not because I want to, but because of their acts.

[12:42 am]