I think I really couldn’t stop thinking. I wonder whether my brain would burst one day, out of..er…tiredness? I hope it won’t because I still seriously need it for the rest of my life.
Anyway, much thinking lately from the emo weeks bout CF stuff till now, I’ve really realised a lot of stuff. Seen a clearer direction I’m going through. I’m happy with the decision I made, though I know some might not. Just that I don’t und, why some people seems like needing you but on the other side, they’ll just kick you out of the picture in front of other people.
There was a time I packed my dreams away.
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.
There was a time when I was so afraid.
I thought I’d reached the end,
But baby that was then
I am made of more than my yesterdays.
This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.
I have to decide,
Was I gonna to play it safe.
Or look somewhere deep in side,
Try to turn the tide,
And find the strength to take that step of faith.
This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.
And I have the courage like never before, yeah.
I’ve settled for less now I’m ready for more,
Ready for more.
This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.
I’m living in the moment
I look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.
This is my now.
~by Jordin Sparks~
Yes, this is my now. I’ve decided, I’ve moved on, and surpringly, things are really going accordingly. Though I thought I really gonna messed up last week with someone, by telling out my deepest fears between us. Well, days after, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Woon Hui came by the weekend, and surpringly she somewhat supported me some too. Since people I cared most is at my back, I don’t or have to care about what others think. They are not in my shoes, they will never understand. I guess this is the time I need to learn not to care about what others think of me (at least for the time being). I’ve always wanted to please everyone, but I guess sometimes it is hard to do so. I’ve tried to be an ironlady, to do every single thing to please everyone from A to Z, but found out that doesn’t work. All I can say is if you are not in my shoes, please don’t tell me you understand. You won’t until you are in my shoes.
The most unhappy part was when I heard something back from someone when she was asked whether she’s joining any cell and whose one. Sigh. If I were to be that irresponsible, I might as well just go disappear from appearing in CG, even I really have things on. Maybe being there for a while doesn’t help, nor people appreciate it. Too bad, well, Woon Hui says I should speak up for myself. What for? God knows, that’s the most important thing. Just hope it won’t be too obvious till I really go disappear, not because I want to, but because of their acts.
[12:42 am]
