June 2009


I’ve never been quite nervous (as in compared to previous interviews that I’ve went). Probably this time, mostly are MT programs and I know the interviewers expect a higher standard stuff from the interviewees. I know everything should be up to Him up there but it shouldn’t mean we are just to sit down and relax.

Did some part on my own, like reading and try figuring questions to be asked and to ask. Not working so well when I think I’m having flu. Had been sneezing the entire day. Hope to get better on Thurs. Having interviews on Thurs and Fri.

God, show me the path.

Today, I would like to share something here. I guess some or many of you all know that I’ve been seeing this guy, TJ for 2 years plus and we have started officially 2 months back.

I just want to share that this relationship was not an easy riding one to me. At least compared to the previous one which everything went so fast. From dating process to holding hands and even kissed.

After it all ended my previous relationship and got to learn about God much closer than I’ve ever had, I learnt about purity and loving one self. With that, I made a conviction about not kissing in my next relationship. Though I haven’t mentioned it to anyone, I had made this clear after the relationship ended.

This current relationship, things was as slow as a snail compared to the previous one. When come to think of it, I think God was the one in this relationship to make things slow and steady? At this moment, I’m honest to say that I really would like both of us to hold hands. In fact, I felt weird when I see other couples do that and thought is there something wrong with us (especially Christian couples around me that I see off). I was pretty upset about it at some point of time and earlier (was talking to Suk Mun) before God spoke to me after that when I went to seek Him.

Last week after a bible seminar from his church, he told me stuff he learnt even about sexual purity. Then, he started to say at this moment we should not hold hands. I understand any other parts like dressing decently (which I had except shorts which sometimes what I was wearing at my house here) and all other physical touch and kissing. I was crying to God earlier, “Why must it be this way?” In Ps Chris Kam’s sexual numbering chart, I think I was at no. 4 – holding hands. I think 5 was a peck and 6 is kissing and so on. “Why other couples can make it successfully? Or is it because their bf did not tell their gf how much their struggles were to keep those thoughts away?”

I was just sitting down, quietly and crying while listening to some Hillsongs songs on my MP3. Then, this urge of going to my shelf and took out my “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” book. Too bad, Joel took the Boy Meets Girl and hasn’t returned it to me yet. However, I was glancing almost every page. Almost every now and then, it talked about intimacy and purity. Seriously, to me was just holding hands and nothing beyond that. However, this words came to me by Elisabeth Elliot, “Keep your hands off and clothes on” until we are married, we are ought to keep each other safe and pure. It just hit me. Probably, even holding hands wasn’t the ideal one. I cried more after this and this time I cried because I am thankful to God, that He is starting to mould my future partner into a Godly person that I prayed for. The one I almost forgot of what I prayed for. No doubt, there are still gaps among us on other stuff, but ya. I guess sometimes we may forget some stuff, but God never will especially in things we ask of Him.

I’ve always looked up to Elisabeth and Jim Elliot’s type of courtship from the book – Passion of Purity in my year 1 of studies. I think it is a type of which I guess not many would hold up to in this current world.

Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband.

Hebrews 13:4

Though things are a little awkward at this moment, but we both believe that with God’s timing all these are worth discussing of. And yes, I do need time to digest this too.

I make it alone
When love is gone
Still you made your mark
Here in my heart

One day I’ll fly away
Leave your love to yesterday
What more can your love do for me
When will love be through with me

I follow the night
Can’t stand the light
When will I begin
My life again

One day I’ll fly away
Leave your love to yesterday
What more can your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day
When dreaming ends

One day I’ll fly away
Leave your love to yesterday
What more can your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day
When dreaming ends

I went out early at 1pm and because I was too early, I took the train to Kelana Jaya then back to Asia Jaya, which is not much difference because it was only like 8-10 mins longer. So got a cab, then headed to Colgate. It was kinda near, like 7 mins drive? It costs me only RM 2.30 to get there.

Anyway, I don’t think I did well in the test. We had two tests: English logical test and numerical test. I didn’t manage to finish the first one. Left about 3 questions blank (30 questions in 20 minutes). I managed to finish the second one and I think should be ok (18 questions in 20 minutes).

The place was kinda nice and security was ok. Nice environment. Anyway, I have to wait for a week or two for the test results, then only I will know whether I would proceed to the next round of interview. Today’s one was just solely test. Not too sure that I did well. Keeping my fingers crossed.

That was first part of it. I think I finished at almost 5pm, then prayed for a cab and head to Asia Jaya lrt station. It was raining cats and dogs along the way, so I decided to stop at KLCC instead to have dinner and go to Kinokuniya. They have this new area for mangas and stuff from Japan. Well, it is either I never knew it existed or I haven’t been there for quite some time.

I left KLCC about 7pm and guess what?! I boarded the wrong train. I was happily sitting, well mostly tired because of my heels. Then there was this married couple (mid-20s or late-20s), lovingly cuddle one another in front of many of us. They are in formal and looked professional. I think they might be back from overseas because of their English slang (by the way, they are Chinese). I’m not gonna describe what I saw and not to say I’m not open enough (or probably this is Asian culture?) Anyway, it wasn’t just so appropriate. Anyway, I didn’t realise I was boarding on the wrong train until I looked behind at my window from where I was sitting and it was at KL Sentral. I paused like a few seconds, trying to analyse how could it be here. I mean Wangsa Maju was on the other side and I will never pass KL Sentral to get back there. After I realised I was on the wrong train, I got off the next station at Bangsar. Sigh…pathetic…5 stations from KLCC to make me realise I was on the wrong train.

Oh well, that’s all from today.

It is my first time…

No comments at the moment. Just got back from work and kinda tired. Shall not write more.

Janice needs to make decisions. Yes, decision with the “s” behind it, because it is just not about my work.

God knows your dreams and the desires of your heart. Nonetheless, He asks that we pour out our hearts to Him and take refuge in Him, seeking Him for the things we most need.

God has been testing me hard..since young I guess, because of all those tough times I had since young.

The most visible part was about my family and every major decisions I need to make in every stage of my life. I know I haven’t seek You much about my job after graduation and now, I wish I have much time to really seek You about it.

Weirdly, I have both sides of advice given by a few people. However, deep down I just know this is where I don’t feel belong.

Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today (Exodus 14:13).

Dogs have such a simple carefree approach to life.  They seem happy to just chew on things, chase random objects and be with their owner.

The first basic commands taught to a dog are usually to “stay” and to “sit.”  Starting out, a dog can barely stand still as his tail wags incessantly and his hind legs poised to spring into action at the slightest movement or sound from his trainer.  He almost comes out of his paws in anticipation of being called.  

However, once a dog completes training, especially in the case of highly skilled seeing-eye dogs, the whole demeanor of the animal changes.  He sits quietly by the side of his owner looking out for danger or calmly waits for his master’s command.  When his owner sits down, the dog usually lays silently and comfortably at the foot of his master until further instruction.

I can learn a lot from a dog.

At times, it seems as if I’m still trying to understand the command to “stay” and “sit.”  My common nature is to approach a situation (with all of the details sniffed out) trying to fix it, manage it or find a solution to it.  If that doesn’t work, I’ll try to get around it or retreat from it.

I would have fit right in with the Israelites on the edge of the Red Sea when Moses spoke the words to “stand firm.”  At the time, they were faced with the fast approaching Egyptian army led by Pharaoh on one side and the raging waters of the Red Sea on the other.  Cries of dissent came from the Israelites for what they thought and saw as their impending doom.

Many of us are in difficult circumstances today.  We are looking for a job, trying to pay bills, worrying about our family (or lack of), overcoming an ailment or seeking direction and hope for our lives.  Oftentimes, we can only see the obstacle and we will resort to any choice we have to avoid it.  However, we have a God who not only sees the obstacle, but also well past it.  He knows of our past, present and future, including our outcome.  His command to us is to simply stand firm.

Stand firm and listen for the Lord’s voice.

He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.  When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice (John 10:3-4).

In the midst of trying situations, where I don’t feel I have “control” of my life, I just want an answer, sometimes any answer.  I become prone to listening to often well-meaning suggestions or advice in order to just get me through.  At the same time, doubt creeps in telling me that I’ll never make it out of my circumstances.  Despair tells me to just give in and quit.  Hopelessness tells me to hide and not face the situation.

The best thing I can do is to stand firm and listen for the Lord’s voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out … they know his voice.

It is natural and understandable to do anything in our power to alleviate our predicament.  We can even justify our actions by using our God-given abilities, seeking wise counsel, and praying, which is all good.  However, if we proceed and take action before we hear from God, we may be stepping outside, ahead or away from His leading.

By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.  Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people (Exodus 13:21-22).

Be careful listening to anyone besides the Lord and be cautious about giving out advice to others.  Even with the most sensitive, compassionate and purest of hearts, we can be used to lead people away from what the Lord’s will is for a person’s life.

Take the time to comfortably lie at the feet of your master, waiting for His instruction.  It is often heard in our silence and spoken by a small still voice.

Stand firm in your convictions.

For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction (1 Thessalonians 1:4-5).

Frank Peretti wrote the best-selling fiction book This Present Darkness many years ago.  It opened my eyes and mind to an ever-present unseen spiritual battle happening all around us.  Today, our spiritual battles, at times, seem to be somewhat more visible.

Prayer is constantly being restrained in public.  Houses of Worship are being scrutinized or attacked, for what they stand for.  Our country’s Christian foundation is being dismissed.  It has almost become chic to denigrate a person’s belief in God.

  • We are seen as prudish for abstaining from sex outside of marriage.
  • We are looked upon as non-tolerant for not embracing untraditional marriages.
  • We are viewed as radicals for standing up for the sanctity of life.
  • We are called elitist for believing Jesus is the only way to eternal life with God.

Bible-believing followers of Christ are under fire now more than ever.

Oftentimes we are not only being attacked by other people, but also within our own thoughts.  Disbelief tells us we will never find our soul mate and encourages us to settle for someone lesser, impatience tells us to go ahead and “do it,” and diffidence says we are not good enough for anyone.

The gray area that some of us have found comfort in is narrowing and each of us will someday have to take a stand and answer for the actions we have taken with our friends, in our relationships, at our workplace and in our homes.

God created us and chose us for His eternal purpose.  He gave us the Holy Spirit and His power in order to live a life abundantly.  For us to receive the fullest extent of His gift, we must stand firm in our convictions.

No man will be able to stand against you (Deuteronomy 11:25).

Know who your master is and whom you serve.  Stand up by standing firm.

Stand firm in your faith.

If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all (Isaiah 7:9).

With unexplainable tragedies, relational confrontations, and unmanageable situations, I can’t imagine trying to live without faith in God.  I often wonder how a person with no faith gets through their life when I struggle each day with a solid foundation of faith.  It is a continual fight to stand firm in my convictions and beliefs, and to live a righteous life.

In the past decade, the two words that have probably impacted our society more than any others are political correctness.  It has become an obstacle for not sharing our faith, for not standing up for what we believe, and for not carrying out the mission God has set before us.  These two words have caused some to cower with the fear of speaking “incorrectly.”

Political correctness is a set of rules, which can change or be altered at any time in response to the climate in which it exists.  The “beauty” of this methodology (for society) is that anyone can adjust the rules on what is acceptable from moment to moment and situation to situation.  Living “correctly” becomes a subjective opinion rather than an ethical standard.

For the God-fearing Bible-believer, we should be living by moral correctness only dictated to us by God alone.  Our actions and beliefs should be based upon the written Word of God, and we must know and uncompromisingly live by what we believe.

True faith doesn’t allow any power to be given to doubt, despair, hopelessness, disbelief, impatience, or diffidence.  True faith doesn’t change by public opinion or by consensus.  True faith listens for the voice of God and lives by conviction.

Do not be afraid.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still (Exodus 14:13).

I can learn a lot from a dog’s loyalty, trustworthiness, and faithfulness to his master.  It all starts by learning to stay, sit, and stand firm.

~by Cliff Young~

No doubt, I find a reason to motivate myself, however deep down inside I know this is not it. Because I just realised it might not just what I want.

Had an offer from one MNC, having aptitude test on Wed. If I’m through, gonna go for another two rounds of interviews. Must be lucky for them to call me? because only 3 vacants needed for such program.

I really don’t know. Seriously, I wasn’t that hardcore in praying and seeking God compared to the job I had in my year 1 of studies.

I went for a movie alone today after church service – Hannah Montana The Movie. I liked this song and the lyrics.

You tuck me in, turn out the light
Left me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back

You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be

And when I couldn’t sleep at night
Scared things wouldn’t turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me

Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you’ll be
Can’t go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might
Don’t you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away (Butterfly fly away)
Got your wings, now you can’t stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true

Butterfly fly away(Butterfly fly away)
You’ve been waiting for this day
All along and know just what to do

Butterfly, Butterfly, Butterfly
Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away

~by Miley Cyrus~

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