But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.
~John 14:26~
It is a choice for us to continue to build our faith. Instead of expecting others to lead us, we need a personal desire for our own relationship with God.
Today, I learnt how to deal with my desires. Remember the post of the holding hands issue with TJ? Today I learned that I have to surrender that to God. Yes, no doubt there is no guideline of why not a couple hold hands. I was seriously upset, but I realised why God has to do that. It is my desire. To at least hold hands. I thought it is a healthy standard and not going beyond to the point of kissing, hence it is something my bf has to do it. Lord taught me that if it is a desire, it is still unhealthy.
About the child-obeying-parent thing too, I’m quite getting to understand why TJ is holding such concept. Yes, he might still need to walk closer to God, but I should have no right to judge his attitude towards his parents and also his walk with God. I could only be a supporter and do what I can as the Holy Spirit leads me but not JUDGING. Some part, I think I was judging about his walk.
I was very upset and did a lot of crying lately. I was afraid that till the point I thought we were so different that we will be growing apart, instead of getting closer. I pray and read the bible very much consistently and even more lately. Bad thing to do, but suddenly the sermon last week at World Harvest, that being hungry is good. Even in SIB, the speaker talks on it. I just realised which I think it was speaking to me. It is time that I’m hungry and I need the spiritual food.
And I just realised TJ is keen to walk closer with God. Surprisingly, the question I always wanted to ask him where is he putting God in our relationship or did he even do put God first because due to all these happenings lately, I thought he would give another answer. Surprisingly, just now, as we were texting one another, and me apologizing about judging part, he said he wants God to be in the center of our relationship because nothing will be much solid than the God the Rock. I cried again because God hears my prayer.
Weirdly, as I go through some parts about the child-obeying-parent thing, I was always trying to find something I agreed on. That is to try to find proof to be able to show him that God wants us to obey Him higher than our parents. Yes, it is true…but it is also true we honour our parents. It is a tough thing to draw a line, and again I shouldn’t be the one judging whether is he walking along the right balance line.
Another prayer answered was, he actually was the one initiating to talk to me after my “cold” attitude yesterday when he was so strongly upholding his values without really paying attention to my points of view. I knew he was upset, so do I. He asked to talk over the phone this afternoon and he shared to me about a passage about submissiveness of a wife to husband. He said that it wasn’t just that a wife submit and listen to the husband just like that. Wife do have the right to voice out because women are more better in spiritual senses (according to what he read). And just now, he said he was upset last night and thought if by keeping silent on it of how we both reacted (me being upset and not talking, and he thinks he shouldn’t bring down his so-called ego in his beliefs) is alright, but God showed him this passage in the book.
So you see, God is working in us, both of us. He is learning and so do I, hence just do my part of being a gf and a close friend to him and not judging him. This is what I learn.
But still, I thank those who are there for me and holding me back from erm…doing some stupid stuff I wanted to do. Only two persons knows what it is. Anyway, I’m glad you all stand by me but yet, at the same time, you all also didn’t gave in to my standing fully, but try showing the other side of what I was holding strong to.
All I’m supposed to do is continue my close walk with God and support our relationship as what I should be doing with love and humbleness. And continue to pray for both of us, that God will use us in the ways He wanted us to.
